Sunday, January 15, 2012

Just in case there are still people visiting here, I've moved:

Sunday, April 03, 2011

Be disciplined! focused! help your friend do well for his private A's!

Tuesday, February 08, 2011

Woah. If yesterday was happy.. today is happier. So scared and worried for NS sia. but everyone's sms and concern like make me less worried..

Thanks Huan Ghee.
Thanks JunRong, LiYan, Joyce, ShenWei, TheckYee for dinner together.
Thanks everyone who messaged me or wished me in one or another way.
Thanks Mum Auntie and JinXiu for coins and money, worrying for me.

:D:D:D Gonna go into NS and doubt will post again until long after! Bye and nights everyone!

Been rather happy these days.. or maybe more of grateful bah..

lol a few people to thank sincerely from 初一..

1. Mum.. For always bearing with my nonsensical temper. seriously have no idea why am I so hot-tempered out of nowhere. Shall do something to it while I'm away from home for 2 weeks.
2. Kerk, Yuhui, Eugene, Zandra for coming over to play and stuff. and of cus Kerk for treating us to pizzaSS. lol
3. Clarise for hosting us at her house for a CNY gathering/farewell dinner for NS..
4. Xinfang, Heeyi, Yuhui for going out. Xinfang for the NS prep infos. She and HY for the present.. lol
5. Shufen and Liwen for accompanying us to go out get stuff for NS/play at Sentosa. Appreciate the company.. and thanks in advance to them two and GGH for going on wed too.
6. Liyan Joyce and everyone else (not sure who yet).. for the insist on a meet up before I go into NS.. as well as being okay with early dinner cos I really nidda go home early for last family dinner/lao yu sheng thing. in case i really miss home like crazy when i go into NS =.=

Okay not much word count but definitely an endless stream of sincerity and graititude..

Okay going off. But also hope that all my worries and stuff for NS can stay here or just BE GONE pls. Getting more stress by any moment. Bye.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Didn't understand where's all the stress coming from even though it's holiday now. But now I do.

Can running away help? Did I prove myself as a worthy friend? Or rather, should I do things to prove myself of a worthy friend? Will everything go away as long as I distant myself from them and not go too close as friends? Am I tired or lazy? To try to fix and patch things up with people all over again. Things always turn sour when people get too close together, is it?

Even with Joyce, the person I always had fun and laughs with, things still did turn a bit sour recently.
Or is it me? Am I being an irritating and incorrigible friend already?
I have so many questions but no one (those that I trust a lot) I dare to confide and approach. Sounds weird I know. I don't know. I seems to have messed up everything. Someone who is my friend and reads this please please save me.

What Yong Kang said made me think of some things. I fail to see some things of me, for however long it has been there. Even after he says, I still feel like I've tried in those aspects. I did listen to people whenever I know my stuff is gonna fail. If people are more enthusiastic in wanting to do things, I wouldn't want to do all those stuff either.
But it's true that once I started something, I don't like people to change things halfway. Just because it makes me feel like all my work will go down to drain, esp. when I have no idea whether it will be better. I tried my best to involve everyone, comes with more voices and more chances of me ignoring them and more dislikes coming my way.
Have they been unhappy with me for a long time and even talks behind my back? I'm getting so crazy to actually think friends will do that behind me. I don't know. Why are there so many thoughts of bad stuff happening. Have my days in JC really been that bad? I'm not sure. Everyone seems like they have good friends around. I seem like I'm so bad to get along with that I can only talk to them but not be close friends. I really don't know. Why don't we have thanksgiving? Let me see for once what people see me as.

Am I just someone loud and crazy in their eyes? Or they see me as what I see in myself?

Is it because it had been so long since I last sat down and type here about my life and thoughts that everything end up hitting myself now. I even try to draw up some calendar for the next few weeks to make sure I don't miss out anything I told myself to do. Am I really that busy or am I just deceiving myself with all the things I think I should do but actually no one, even myself, cares.

And yes I'm starting to just type and type whatever stupid things come to mind.

Why haven't I asked some people who I used to always ask out to go out yet? I obviously want to ask them out! But I keep telling myself they will be busy so I'll sound like I've no one to go out with and I'm desperate for friend if I ask them out. But it has nothing to do with these since I just FEEL like asking them out =.= Do I need a legal explanation to just feel like asking people out? Someone answer me this please.

22 Dec: JiaLe's birthday and I'm going to her chalet BBQ, will meet WL, YH, JK, HY, Leon.
23 Dec: GanTeng's birthday but celebrated so I guess nothing to do.
24 Dec: Christmas eve, baking I guess. It's probably wiser not to meet the guys up after what yk said and the argument with gh.
25 Dec: Christmas, pass some people cookies IF I baked I guess.
26 Dec: Meeting XinFang, tmr have to ask hy and yh about it too.
27 Dec: Nth
28 Dec: Sandra's retest and have to faster settle jonathan and liyan's presents and how we going to celebrate. And Mr Liw's birthday.
29 Dec: AHA BBQ. Have to prepare food.
30 Dec: Afternoon got work training.
31 Dec: Countdown with them?
1 Jan: Work at night.
2 Jan and ahead: Don't know how things will go anymore.
With these few days laid out,
I've not met Kangming who I wanna ask to go out buy clothes but not even sure whether he bu shuang me one or not.. although he doesnt really care much most of the time,
Shufen to pass her the present they bought long long ago,
Joyce they all for Kbox, is if they still want,
YanShuang, and we both said will meet up soon one,
and some others who I might have accidentally missed out.

What's happening to me. Nights guys.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

WHY MUST THIS HAPPEN TO ME?
I DON'T WANT TO UNDERGO SO MUCH THING AT THIS AGE!!!!

I actually have to go for a ROOT CANAL TREATMENT at such age for my decayed tooth. ALL BECAUSE OF MY FOOLISH THOUGHT AT FIRST AQND MY LAZINESS.
I CANT EVEN CONSIDER BY THINKNIG OF MY FUTURE NOW, I CANNOT EVEN GET THE ASSURANCE FROM MUM THAT SHE'LL PAY FOR THE FULL COST.

when i say i'll work after my a lvls to pay back her she immediately say DUN TALK ABOUT WORKING FIRST, STUDY HARD FIRST. but how the shit can i study hard when i cannot eat properly cus of this tooth, have to think of what if it continues to decay, what will happen to me, the excruciating pain i have to endure when my mum kept thinking it's nothing much and i have to bury myself in bed to get away from all the pain i can feel.

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
should i get back to my notes, but i cant just think that everything is alright.
i cannot binge eat to distract myself now cus my tooth is the problem. tell me what can i do to focus in my studies when there is a tooth which cannot wait, in the top right side of my mouth making my feel uncomfortable.

Monday, June 07, 2010

Famine camp seems to have made me see some things differently now..

Two days of labour..
From major role as food distributor becoming doing everything they can find for us to do. Usher to food distributor to game preparers to door-blocker-cum-get-people-to-move-faster-helper to another whole day of 'security' work. =.= Nothing much la. not really hardship but just boring and lame in some way.

It was a bonus to see you at the camp at first. But later on it became a minus point. The very least you can expect from a friend when you have to do the sai kangs is to know they he/she is still around somewhere doing the same thing or being bored at least.

One after another.
Didn't talk much to the other from a while ago and now can't really talk much anymore, but i guess it's so from long ago anyway. he doesn't really got much things to talk to me.

Alright Im tired from thinking and typing. Shall get to sleep. Bye.

Thursday, January 07, 2010

Yesterday: Volleyball at Sentosa with KM, ZK, WK, Joann & GT. Great day it was.. haha.. nothing much about yesterday. but it just felt great.

Today: Partyworld-ed with Goh Kang Ming, Lim Zhe Kuan, Peh Wei Keong, Joann Tay, Tan Gan Teng, Ter Yong Kang, Shen Liwen, Clarise Kho, Roe Ervin, Tan Kok How & Tan Tze Kiat. Also a great day.

Really glad I have worked a few days and earned some money.. all the more this had reinforced within me that the best present I can get is not the most expensive present but the extra concern you can find from those people. aiya don't really know how to express what I'm thinking.. but I think.. to be able to make time to go out or to go buy things WITH the person is an even better present. cus you're PRESENT there. This is to you! who often take time off to go buy things with me. Really appreciate you so much because my those friends in the past really won't take so much time off their schedule.

Hey.. Thanks for taking so much time off this week especially. Really hope can continue meeting up regularly even if any unwanted stuff happens. Don't know whether you are reading these though. but.. hmm. anything. heh. =x